Tiffany

Thursday, 17th December 2015.

I know it's a throwback, but I just wanted to record whatever happened on that date before one day the memory is lost for some reasons like, I got into an accident and lost of memory and what not. Anyway, that isn't the point.

Bae came early and waited for me outside as usual. But this time, she wore a suit. Yes, a fucking navy blue suit. With flowers like aww. I admitted my face expression when seeing that was like :O Then she opened the door like any true gentleman would do.

I remembered asking her where we were going and she kept saying, "It's a surprise."

Huehuehue.

Then we walked for a little more before the movie starts at 1.30pm. And I took photo with the Darth Vader mascot from Box of Bricks! hehe..
When we got to the cinema and bae had switched the app on to scan the QR code of the movie, this is where the surprise got busted. I saw the QR code scanned wasn't James Bond Spectre at all. It was....Star Wars!!!!!! Idiot.

Huehuehue.

Apologies for the small, Asian eyes.

The surprise was kind of a failure but its okay. The movie wasn't up to expectations, simply because of the random, unreasonable happenings in the movie that Disney made. Honestly in my opinion, the Force Awaken should be a kids movie instead. Thanks Disney. (I love you, bae! If you're reading this hehe..)

Then, when we got out of the cinemas, the water bottle bae put in my bag wasn't screwed properly by the cap. And...the entire inside of my bag was wet ._. Everything was partially wet, thank god. My A6000 and Han Cen's external hard disk was inside my bag. So, the plans had changed.

We are going to bae's house! :D We were supposed to go to Dog's Cafe in Publika but my bag was awfully wet and I need to copy some movies into Han Cen's external hard disk. Apparently, the hard disk format wasnt compatible to bae's Macbook, so we couldn't copy the files. And we both were a little bit tired.......

So, we took a nap.

At least we tried too.

Then, on our way to somewhere, bae asked if it's okay if we go back to Sunway because Han Cen would like to have her external hard disk back. I was honestly pretty okay with the idea, but bae couldn't stop apologizing and thought that I would prefer to have dinner somewhere in KL. But nah. I'm pretty chill with the idea. When we went into SunU Residence, guess what.

Han Cen came into the car with her small, red and white striped handbag, wearing all nice. That's when I know...

Bae had surprised me again >< But this time, it's really a successful one. A well thought one too. I'm sorry for hitting you repeatedly, baby.

Han Cen gave me a lipstick as a gift, it has really nice shade of peach. I kinda liked it after the second time I put it on for work on Sunday. We went to Sushi Zanmai for dinner! Yay <3 Sushi is lyfe.

The night ended pretty well. With bae fetching us all back to SunU and the surprises and love from both HanCen and bae...


Seriously, I couldnt ask for more. I love you guys :)

The few things that makes you feel calm and go "awww...".

Love you loads.

Honestly, first sem in uni has been kinda tough because it was like, there was a lot of new stuffs thrown into you. The culture of lecturers, tutorial classes, coursemates... I don't know, even when I think back, it feels crazy. How did I even study everything in 12 weeks and volunteered as an event photographer for Monash editorial team and have a partner whom I'm really head over heels for??!

You can't fix people.

Your love to him won't stop him from hating on his father.

Your devotion to her won't cure her of her childhood.

All you can do is be there.

Acceptance on your lips.

Your own wounds still bleeding and all you can do is be there.

And sometimes, that's enough.

And sometimes, that's everything.





Source: Tumblr

How to sleep knowing the person you loved went to sleep unhappily?

I felt like, ever since we started, I'm only making your nights miserable. Your days used to start in a neutral or positive tone, but recently I dull your mornings unintentionally.

I'm sorry if I'm just really demanding.

Probably too selfish.

Probably very controlling as well.

I'm sorry for everything. I just didn't want the same mistake to happen again.

We all have fears in relationships. Mine is pretty simple:

Either you just love me less and less everyday.

Or you wake up one day and just decided that, you don't love me anymore.

I'm not afraid of those random anxiety/depressed outbreaks of yours. I'm not afraid of you leaving me for another better person or cheating on me. I'm not afraid of not being able to see you again because all these when it happens, we can work things out or talk it over. Lack of communication and the feeling of being disconnected...

But the previously mention, can't.

I'm sorry for forcing you to do things you dislikes. Small, simple things. I know its your life and your choices. But, let's just say that I wanted the best for you too.

I'm most likely overthinking right now. I'm sorry. I can't help it.

As much as I felt like you are a blessing to me, it might not be the other way round.

I dont know.

I hope you're honest. Loyalty is no doubt.

One word conversation hurts.

Knowing you're lying to me hurts even more.

Yes, I notice the small details all the time. And I hated it when I do. Knowing too much doesnt make you a happy person.

And I just want to be happy.

I'm sorry I have been crying again. I guess my self control level just collapse when it hits midnight, being alone or with people whom I'm really comfortable with.

I'm sorry I haven't been a great partner to you. Most likely I'm not being the girlfriend you wanted or needed. You might even be thinking that you had made a wrong decision. I sincerely hoped that isn't the case.

Really.

It's just me.

I'm the one with issues.

Not you.

Just don't give up on me, like how so many others did before you.

Love you loads.

Pretending to be okay, makes me feel okay.

But now,

I can't even differentiate whether I'm actually okay or just pretending to be okay.

Sensitivity level: 999999

I'm so bad at titles. Anyway, this is gonna be a pretty random or, probably a cheesy post about the sunshine that brightens my day every single time without fail. 

I don't even know how to start typing out everything.

It was probably the second week or third that we started talking. Like, a proper conversation? Well, compared to the conversations we used to have in MUFY... Anyway, I don't know how but you just started to make my days in uni so much more happier.

When she confessed, I was actually quite hesitant of what's gonna happen next. Growing up in an environment where people think LGBT community is uncommon and "something wrong with their minds" as quoted by my mom, I don't dare to reveal myself as a bisexual.

It sounds so weird typing this.

I actually realized I am one when I was 16. I used to like girls and occasionally have crushes on guys since young, but my parents told me "it's just a phase".

I doubt it.

My first half of the semester in university has been so hectic and tiring. I don't even have time or the passion to think about what I actually want besides achieving CGPA 3.5. But then, things just happened.

I was scared of relationships, simply because my first one was really terrible. He doesn't put as much thoughts and I find myself too busy to handle these kind of commitments anyway, so why bother?

But I don't know, since this one is different. Once I start liking someone for real, it's just gonna be deep, like, there's no turning back. It's like, I have the urge to give the best for my partner and appreciate every moment together.  I'm gonna hold on and never let go kind of attachment.

Plus, studying at a place where you have connection with quite a number of people, holding hands with her in public is quite uncomfortable for me, at first.

I kept thinking, what if someone saw us?
Are they gonna judge? Or talk about it behind my back? Everyone thought I was straight simply because I never mentioned I'm not.

But then, why give a sh*t about what they are saying about me anyway. It's not like I'd just commited a sin or cause troubles to others.

I was just enjoying the moments I have with my partner who have accepted my flaws, craziness, clumsiness, mostly stupid questions about things in general. She knows how to make me smile when I didn't want to, knows how to make me feel happy and comfortable all the time, supported me and super skillful in making me shy. Her presence is enough to make me calm. I wonder if I blushed?

And I sincerely hoped that the people around me is okay with this. I don't ask for congratulations or wishes, and I don't mind about teases. Just acceptance will do :)

Thanks for coming into my life, Adeline. Love you loads and I hoped we can stay this way for a long time :) <3

Hey to another post into some of the little thoughts that had been bugging me,

Just like the title: Stereotype.

What actually triggered me to think so much about this word is because of the editorial I'm planning to join. The theme of the week/month is indeed, the struggling word called stereotype which I can't seem to find any inspiration for me to create something different. An artwork to contribute, that's what they called it. I'm more into a photography kind of person, rather than writing. Because I write a lot of craps.

So, I thought maybe I have to ask myself this question: Was I stereotyped before by public? And, did I stereotype others before?


Hell yea, for both questions.

I'd been stereotyped on first impression a lot as someone incapable and stupid. Someone who can't handle her shits and likes partying. I never knew how but somehow I was portrayed to be someone like this, and because of that, I had to change the way I look depending on what event I'm attending. College, weddings, interviews, going out with family, going out with friends, etc.

At times, I have to force myself to not over-express who I am. Normally in high school, my parents would request me to wear a half - frame spectacles. Looks more study type, they said. Looks smarter.
Yeah, I agree with that. I'm not a smart kid anyway, and maybe if I make myself look smart, I can win other's first impression on me, right? After all, my stupidity will leak through my actions anyway after the first impression, so why not score the first points. And that's how I went through high school, with people looking at me, thinking, "This kid looks like a bookworm nerd. She sure did her homework every time."

BOOM!

I didn't, of course, do my homework. I selectively did my homework. Do I like the way this question ask? Yes, then I'm gonna do it. No? Too bad, I'm just gonna leave it blank. Stupid way of doing homework, I know. But that's just how much it contrast from the first impression I give to others and how I am actually.

Coming to college, I started to dye my hair. Wear colored contact lens. Go for a big, nerdy glass. Choose what I want to wear such as rings, chokers sometimes. Things I like to do, like drawing, photography, badminton. So, maybe you're gonna think like, why do people stereotype me as someone who is incompetent?

The answer is quite simple: I don't look like the type that studies on first impression. I wear colored contact lens, I dyed my hair, I wear short skirts with sneakers, I like to dance to the music in public. Like, damn, this girl is flamboyant as heck. I don't look like the type that plays sports because of the way I dress. Occasionally the tomboyish look, but at times, a more girly image.

For example, when I was signing up for the badminton club, the guy at the counter took a double take when I said I can play badminton.

"You sure?" He asked questionably, arching his right eyebrow, pushing his spectacles higher up the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah." I replied nonchalantly.

He stared at me for a while, and he looked at his partner. A look of hesitant on whether to push that recruitment form towards me.

Next example, a guy in the same class of malaysian studies sat beside me and talked to me. He somewhat ridiculed me that girls nowadays just like to party. And I said no. There are loads of other girls that likes to play, but partying is just not on their fun list. He felt challenged and asked me what school am I from.

"School of Business." I said.

"Great! Same as me. Now let me see, I scored 4 flat for my foundation before coming into uni. How about you?"

I smiled and asked him to scroll the MUFY Facebook page.

Anyway, it was fun to have people stereotype about me. They like to think that they know who you are by first glance. And then as time passes, I get to prove them otherwise.

But it sucks if it comes to adults. To my parent's friends. To the teachers in high school. To lecturers, especially.

"Stop spending so much time doing what you do. Start doing what you SHOULD do instead." said a teacher in high school, her right arm scooping over her son's shoulder.

I still remembered that line clearly when I start to show that I'm not that study kid you think I am during high school. I let my fringe fall. I don't listen in class since I don't get whatever the teacher said anyway. I'm just gonna do things my own pace. And all you adults are just gonna judge me from afar, not knowing how much I had actually progressed.

That's how I prove to people who stereotyped on me.

Let time do the talking.

I made a lot of mistakes this week.

I know that people often said, "it's okay. We all make mistakes."

But sometimes, the mistakes just doesn't seem to be acceptable to me. For example, the words slipped off my lips in the midst of excitement. What shouldn't be said. The negative response that had been portrayed on their faces.

I can't seem to forgive myself for it despite it had occurred around a week ago.

I just have this very high expectation of myself, to be perfect. Although I'm obviously far from what perfection in my mind is, but I really don't like to disappoint others.

It feels hard to be a person, sometimes.

Week 2 of uni had just ENDED. Like, woah right. Time flies like rocket this year.

So, anyway, the purpose of my blog post today isn't about how beautiful life is or some amazing lesson I learnt about people. I will put it another post if I have the time or when I have the inspiration to do so.

Well okay, so let's begin about what kind of roller coaster ride I'd took this week:

(1) Monday begin with the rousing clubs & societies promoting their greatness. Freshies being freshies, I walked around the booths with my group of friends. And then at the end of the day, I decided on Business Club and Badminton Club.

(2) Tuesday. Checking my mail and oh crap, Manticore (the house I'm in for the Monash Cup <it's something like Sport's day but it's gonna last for a week>) had badminton practices yesterday, which is Monday. And I didn't know. So, that's okay since it's the first training and I missed it unintentionally. Then it came to my realization that badminton training begins at 6pm to 8pm every Monday, but badminton club sessions begin at 5pm to 7pm on Monday as well. So, I'm gonna have to skip either sessions. Or maybe I can go for two separate venues by going only an hour for both? I dont know.

Anyway, I'd emailed the Editorial Board of MUSA, applying for the photographer position and guess what? They "interviewed" me and briefed me on what to do and the 3 criteria that I must pass before getting into the real thin. I was like, "okay" the whole time, but in my mind, I was beating around the thought of how the hell I'm going to do this. So, yeah, it was a rather challenging session. Not to mention there was this Indian girl whom I met from Orientation Bash and was being an ass to me but I kept my cool and still helped her out and now I think I'm an ass to myself.

(3) Wednesday. I begin with my weekly tutorial homework. Going to the library to print those notes, used the Internet for many pointless scrolling. There wasn't much on that day except that I was frantically worried of my 2NE1 account. That's about it.

(4) Thursday is hell. Besides waking up at 6am to attend a 2 hours tutorial class of Business Statistics which I have not much idea on what's going on, it's rather tiring. After Accounting tutorial class though, Yin Mei and I went to Sun U to chill before GS class at 5pm. We sort of did the honest thing, saying that Yin Mei is a student from Monash and she is just gonna go to the poolside cafe and have lunch there. Well, basically everything was fine when we went up to my room until around 4pm.

The management lady knocked on my door.

I opened it.

She shocked. I shocked. My friend also shocked.

Then the lady got to her senses and begin interrogating my friend and my friend spoke the truth. The lady checked around the room since I have a vacant bed in my room (roommate not back yet) and told both of us to go down to the office to write a damn report.

So, okaylo. We go write the report and then she let us go, which was about time for GS class anyway.

GS! After the first session, my group had a discussion on our group assignment as well as who will become the leader. I didn't want to and so I voted another girl, which to all of everyone's amusement, she gladly take the position and excitedly "shared" her thoughts of her plan about the assignment.

Damn girl.

(5) Friday. I studied econs until noon. Read the time wrong for Management replacement lecture class. Rushed everything, stuffed everything inside my bag and went to uni. And I needed transport home. So, I asked a friend of mine who stayed near my house whether if its okay to fetch me back, which she reluctantly called her sister for permission and of course I doubt she called anyway. So, okay fine. After class, I brisk walked to Sunway Uni to buy the daily bus ticket to Kota Kemuning. Heck, like that also RM8. Okay fine, never mind. Read the schedule, 5.50pm bus will arrive. Check time, it's already 5.40pm. Holy shyt, I walked really fast to Sunway Lagoon and then waited for another 5 minutes or so for the bus.

And thank goodness I went on to the right bus or else cry.


And here I am typing this at home, eyes tired and mental drained from a week's stress.

So my 1 month and a half holidays just ended like that. Like. That. Like. That's it, in a blink of an eye, and I'm not satisfied with what I had (or hadn't) achieved in this long duration of lazying. Anyway, orientation wasn't so bad like I thought it would because of not meeting anyone for a month and half.

It wasn't as awkward as Jie Xi would anticipate, but awkward enough.

Anyway, the first day of orientation, I met up with many MUFY people and specifically, Seo Hyun ^^ It's been a long time since we met and talked, and we talked a lot of stuffs. Then, during the briefings, we sort of got into a gang, meaning the MUFY kids in one group. Not all of the MUFY students tho, just a few of us. All in the School of Business.

Well, the first three days of orientation is pretty tiring not because of there were vigorous ice breaking activities but boring briefing sessions. Overloading the students with information that are both confusing and not very benefiting is hard. But on Thursday, orientation was short and I hung out with Tung Ling at Pyramid for a short while to get her heels for Graduation Night on that day. Yes, it was that last minute, but at least she was happy with her new heels.

Friday (which is today), I went to uni for MUSA day. MUSA is like the committee group of Monash Uni and the group activities are really ice breakers. Probably because we are adults already, so it wasn't that hard to mix around and get into a friendly conversation with anyone. It was amazing, I didn't know how I did it but I did befriended several cool people. There were 10 tiring station games, and we had to run from one building to another building, from one corner to another corner, literally, just to get the next clue to the next station. And I must say, the organizing team has made great effort to take advantage of technology. Several clues required the use of smartphones and Internet to decipher the codes on the clues. And Shai (an Indian dude in our team) was like, the MVP for us. He could read the codes efficiently, suggest great ideas, and was really friendly. Basically, he is amazing. Without him, we wouldn't end up in the 5th position haha... yeah, 5th. It's good tho, the top 4 places was taken by School of Engineering and School of Science. And then there's us!

That's about it. I didn't get enough sleep (or maybe I just want more sleep) during this week, especially today.

So, there was this post I saw people shared on Facebook about interviewing your parents by Brendon Burchard before it was too late. And, since I'm already 19, come to think of it, let's do it! Even though at first it was a bad idea, but then, I knew I'd made the right choice. My advice to people out there, just do it. You will get emotional but have it recorded and it will be with you forever. You get to learn a lot, and listen to the things that they had probably never mentioned or rarely talked about. Things that were sensitive to them, or what makes them happy. The small stuffs or the big stuffs. Whatever :) I'd skipped some of the questions prepared, and just went with the flow.

Anyway, here is the interview: