Tiffany

Hey to another post into some of the little thoughts that had been bugging me,

Just like the title: Stereotype.

What actually triggered me to think so much about this word is because of the editorial I'm planning to join. The theme of the week/month is indeed, the struggling word called stereotype which I can't seem to find any inspiration for me to create something different. An artwork to contribute, that's what they called it. I'm more into a photography kind of person, rather than writing. Because I write a lot of craps.

So, I thought maybe I have to ask myself this question: Was I stereotyped before by public? And, did I stereotype others before?


Hell yea, for both questions.

I'd been stereotyped on first impression a lot as someone incapable and stupid. Someone who can't handle her shits and likes partying. I never knew how but somehow I was portrayed to be someone like this, and because of that, I had to change the way I look depending on what event I'm attending. College, weddings, interviews, going out with family, going out with friends, etc.

At times, I have to force myself to not over-express who I am. Normally in high school, my parents would request me to wear a half - frame spectacles. Looks more study type, they said. Looks smarter.
Yeah, I agree with that. I'm not a smart kid anyway, and maybe if I make myself look smart, I can win other's first impression on me, right? After all, my stupidity will leak through my actions anyway after the first impression, so why not score the first points. And that's how I went through high school, with people looking at me, thinking, "This kid looks like a bookworm nerd. She sure did her homework every time."

BOOM!

I didn't, of course, do my homework. I selectively did my homework. Do I like the way this question ask? Yes, then I'm gonna do it. No? Too bad, I'm just gonna leave it blank. Stupid way of doing homework, I know. But that's just how much it contrast from the first impression I give to others and how I am actually.

Coming to college, I started to dye my hair. Wear colored contact lens. Go for a big, nerdy glass. Choose what I want to wear such as rings, chokers sometimes. Things I like to do, like drawing, photography, badminton. So, maybe you're gonna think like, why do people stereotype me as someone who is incompetent?

The answer is quite simple: I don't look like the type that studies on first impression. I wear colored contact lens, I dyed my hair, I wear short skirts with sneakers, I like to dance to the music in public. Like, damn, this girl is flamboyant as heck. I don't look like the type that plays sports because of the way I dress. Occasionally the tomboyish look, but at times, a more girly image.

For example, when I was signing up for the badminton club, the guy at the counter took a double take when I said I can play badminton.

"You sure?" He asked questionably, arching his right eyebrow, pushing his spectacles higher up the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah." I replied nonchalantly.

He stared at me for a while, and he looked at his partner. A look of hesitant on whether to push that recruitment form towards me.

Next example, a guy in the same class of malaysian studies sat beside me and talked to me. He somewhat ridiculed me that girls nowadays just like to party. And I said no. There are loads of other girls that likes to play, but partying is just not on their fun list. He felt challenged and asked me what school am I from.

"School of Business." I said.

"Great! Same as me. Now let me see, I scored 4 flat for my foundation before coming into uni. How about you?"

I smiled and asked him to scroll the MUFY Facebook page.

Anyway, it was fun to have people stereotype about me. They like to think that they know who you are by first glance. And then as time passes, I get to prove them otherwise.

But it sucks if it comes to adults. To my parent's friends. To the teachers in high school. To lecturers, especially.

"Stop spending so much time doing what you do. Start doing what you SHOULD do instead." said a teacher in high school, her right arm scooping over her son's shoulder.

I still remembered that line clearly when I start to show that I'm not that study kid you think I am during high school. I let my fringe fall. I don't listen in class since I don't get whatever the teacher said anyway. I'm just gonna do things my own pace. And all you adults are just gonna judge me from afar, not knowing how much I had actually progressed.

That's how I prove to people who stereotyped on me.

Let time do the talking.

I made a lot of mistakes this week.

I know that people often said, "it's okay. We all make mistakes."

But sometimes, the mistakes just doesn't seem to be acceptable to me. For example, the words slipped off my lips in the midst of excitement. What shouldn't be said. The negative response that had been portrayed on their faces.

I can't seem to forgive myself for it despite it had occurred around a week ago.

I just have this very high expectation of myself, to be perfect. Although I'm obviously far from what perfection in my mind is, but I really don't like to disappoint others.

It feels hard to be a person, sometimes.

Week 2 of uni had just ENDED. Like, woah right. Time flies like rocket this year.

So, anyway, the purpose of my blog post today isn't about how beautiful life is or some amazing lesson I learnt about people. I will put it another post if I have the time or when I have the inspiration to do so.

Well okay, so let's begin about what kind of roller coaster ride I'd took this week:

(1) Monday begin with the rousing clubs & societies promoting their greatness. Freshies being freshies, I walked around the booths with my group of friends. And then at the end of the day, I decided on Business Club and Badminton Club.

(2) Tuesday. Checking my mail and oh crap, Manticore (the house I'm in for the Monash Cup <it's something like Sport's day but it's gonna last for a week>) had badminton practices yesterday, which is Monday. And I didn't know. So, that's okay since it's the first training and I missed it unintentionally. Then it came to my realization that badminton training begins at 6pm to 8pm every Monday, but badminton club sessions begin at 5pm to 7pm on Monday as well. So, I'm gonna have to skip either sessions. Or maybe I can go for two separate venues by going only an hour for both? I dont know.

Anyway, I'd emailed the Editorial Board of MUSA, applying for the photographer position and guess what? They "interviewed" me and briefed me on what to do and the 3 criteria that I must pass before getting into the real thin. I was like, "okay" the whole time, but in my mind, I was beating around the thought of how the hell I'm going to do this. So, yeah, it was a rather challenging session. Not to mention there was this Indian girl whom I met from Orientation Bash and was being an ass to me but I kept my cool and still helped her out and now I think I'm an ass to myself.

(3) Wednesday. I begin with my weekly tutorial homework. Going to the library to print those notes, used the Internet for many pointless scrolling. There wasn't much on that day except that I was frantically worried of my 2NE1 account. That's about it.

(4) Thursday is hell. Besides waking up at 6am to attend a 2 hours tutorial class of Business Statistics which I have not much idea on what's going on, it's rather tiring. After Accounting tutorial class though, Yin Mei and I went to Sun U to chill before GS class at 5pm. We sort of did the honest thing, saying that Yin Mei is a student from Monash and she is just gonna go to the poolside cafe and have lunch there. Well, basically everything was fine when we went up to my room until around 4pm.

The management lady knocked on my door.

I opened it.

She shocked. I shocked. My friend also shocked.

Then the lady got to her senses and begin interrogating my friend and my friend spoke the truth. The lady checked around the room since I have a vacant bed in my room (roommate not back yet) and told both of us to go down to the office to write a damn report.

So, okaylo. We go write the report and then she let us go, which was about time for GS class anyway.

GS! After the first session, my group had a discussion on our group assignment as well as who will become the leader. I didn't want to and so I voted another girl, which to all of everyone's amusement, she gladly take the position and excitedly "shared" her thoughts of her plan about the assignment.

Damn girl.

(5) Friday. I studied econs until noon. Read the time wrong for Management replacement lecture class. Rushed everything, stuffed everything inside my bag and went to uni. And I needed transport home. So, I asked a friend of mine who stayed near my house whether if its okay to fetch me back, which she reluctantly called her sister for permission and of course I doubt she called anyway. So, okay fine. After class, I brisk walked to Sunway Uni to buy the daily bus ticket to Kota Kemuning. Heck, like that also RM8. Okay fine, never mind. Read the schedule, 5.50pm bus will arrive. Check time, it's already 5.40pm. Holy shyt, I walked really fast to Sunway Lagoon and then waited for another 5 minutes or so for the bus.

And thank goodness I went on to the right bus or else cry.


And here I am typing this at home, eyes tired and mental drained from a week's stress.