Tiffany

I'd been busy. 

I helped around the store, but this time at the shoe store. So basically my job of the day is to show the customers the shoes they want, follow them, get the right size and colour of the shoe from decks of shoe box on the highest floor and run down via stairs to give the shoes. The worst thing is when the customer looked at the shoes and decided not to buy TT 

Wasted efforts. 

So the running up and down process is simply tiring and took around 3 minutes. 

Plus, its Christmas Eve. People are buying Christmas present so they were a lot of people today... 

And back to school! 

TT 

Oh and we prepared some balloons to attract kids ^^ 

I found this huge teddy bear! Its height was approximately 150cm and weighed kinda heavy ><!! 

Anyway, i looked like I'm strangling the teddy bear hahahaha

This is what she wrote: 

"Happy Birthday Pei Er!

As you know, this isnt going to about your birthday as 98% of "birthday essays are not" , more of an appreciation post.

FRIENDSHIP APPRECIATION POST

Even though we have only been friends for about a duration slightly longer than a SAM course in Taylors, you are already in my circle of good friends. As in the smaller circle in my social circle which is pretty much non existent. There are some people who Ive known for 5 years and barely spoke a sentence to and some which ive spoken more than 10 sentences within 10 minutes. First day of school, remember? But well, Ive stalked you for 2 months on twitter so... <_<

Also, Im using touch type to write this damn thing so you know how much you mean to me. LUL

I remember the session you had when Kah Yin didnt come to school for one day and we were at the APD and no one was listening to Pn Chuah. You, giving me pep talks even though you only known me for about one month i was like : guuurl you dont even know me, NUH UH HELL NAW. But I know it was a good talk, despite me hating you 70% during the pep talk. I dont have enough honest people in my life. I have like 6/10 but thats about it. Who am I kidding, most of them are just mean ass people trying to make me feel bad.

We often have the same marks during exam, it was nice having someone as a competition about the same level even though i know your results were always better than mine- but yeah. I liked that you had goals and vision, made me wanting to prove to you i had them too. I still want to go to an ATL/paramore/michelle concert too but that isnt my main concern anymore lol

I like your practicalness about money and stuff like that even though i dont necessarily agree with you. You would be so successful in life if you used that potential to the maximum.

Im sorry if I seem indecisive and fake sometimes(or all the time) , im still learning how to speak up without offending people.

Lastly, get good grades, marry ivan and have many kids bla bla bla bla all that.

Most importantly, be happy. 

"From outside I seem happy a lot, but Im human and its not possible to always be happy." -Park Bom. <- dats whut she said

You are a happy person even though i feel that you are sad most of the time. <_< Dont smile (like me ) if you dont feel happy, its more stressful than putting on a fake smile, just look pissed. Be happy, pear. It brings you a long way in life.

Sorry if my grammar errors are everywhere, i forgot how to english after using tumblr.

Thank you for your honesty and friendship and random hugs and gossip sessions.

Go down singing,

-ML- "

THANKS GUUUURRRLLL. I'm glad to have such an honest message from someone ^^ 

With society nowadays, you don't get that much. In fact, rarely. 

Love you to bits, MunLin. 

:* 

我不懂我几时可以再次感觉到那个已散走的快乐。

…

那天晚上后，我们就比较注重学业了。可是，我还是我。我就是死心要和你继续像以前似的，开开心心地谈天。但是，你好像越来越疏远了。

我顿时想起你前女友… 难道我做错了？

我错什么？！

跟你在一起的时候，我觉得你好像越来越陌生了… 难道你不喜欢我了？难道我只是你的暂时性的玩具？感觉上，我被你利用得很糟。

可是，我仍然装傻。就让时间来决定一切吧…

我忽然间明白你前女友的心情了。

好苦。

好疼。

可是，你不懂。你什么都不懂。

因为你太自私了、太自以为是。

你真的…不知道吗？我一直都在这里…

…

你考完SPM的那一天，你写给为了一封信，吩咐我考完每一科后才读。我乖乖就绪。信里的一切内容，我都早已预料了。我的泪也早已干了。读着读着，我想哭的感觉也没有，只是很沉闷地、静静地读完那封信。原来如此，你是害怕再次受伤。由于你跟你之前女友的关系断得太突然了，你心里肯定受了重伤。你害怕再去爱一个人。

我明白。

因为我也受过这种痛…

你若是很怕再爱，我愿意等你。可是，你也不要太过分，对我不理不睬…

啊，我忘了：我们不是男女朋友的关系。

是，我只是你的朋友。一个喜欢你的朋友。

所以，我做了这么多，你却推我推到远远去。

你此时到底要我怎样？

你因为怕再一次受伤，就把我推掉。

你有没有想，你为了不要受伤，却伤害到我吗？

你有想到我的感受吗？

你有想到你做了这么多来保护自己的心，伤到我了吗？

你好自私。

我还一直以为你是那种经常为别人着想的一个人。

所以，告诉我，你到底要怎样？或者是，我到底要怎样才行？

你要我离开吗？

这样，我没有保重我们可以继续做朋友了。

求你了。

我心痛得无法用字来表示了。你就是这样，明知道我心疼了，却还一直这样做。害我每天晚上哭着睡觉。害我每天一直看着我的电话。害我一直空希望，希望你会送来一份信息。

难道你忘记我们之前是如此的默契吗？我们每天放学后是怎样的，你还记得吗？

值得吗？我每天为了一个对我不理不睬的男人哭、伤心。

值得吗？我们之前那么的开心在一起，现在就这样的离去了。

值得吗？我每天就这样没精神的，就这样一直等你，一直等。

空等了。

每次我想念你的时候，我很想发送你一封信息。很想跟你谈话，但是，我发现到十次九次都是我先发的。你…难道就没想到我吗？

或者是你深深知道我一定会在另一边永远的等着你，所以你才不会先跟我谈？连在面子书也一样。十次九次是我先开话的，你呢？只顾着回答。最近你回答得感觉上很无奈，我也不想跟你说话了。

还害到我整天等着你、想着你…这些全部不就等于白费吗？

值得吗？我浪费了我的心细、我的时间、我的力气…为了你。

全都是因为你。

值得吗？

我问你，值得吗？？？

认识了又和你一起做了几个月的工后，我心里曾经想过会和你在一起的时候。有时还没睡觉的时候，就会幻想与你在一起的时期…

但是，知道你与你曾经的女友断了关系的原因后，我对自己发了誓，我一定不会像她一样让你觉得烦、生气和讨厌。

我开始觉得我做不到了…

五月中，你看起来已经忘掉了她，或者是你已经把你和她的怀念抛在脑后，不想在想起来那些甜蜜的时候…你好像很开心，我记得你曾经说过没有了她，你活不到、无法再次感觉到快乐… 现在，你又好像没问题了。

但是，我却听说你喜欢了另外一个… 

…

她根本就不适合你。从你眼中看，我发现到你有稍微的喜欢她。那天起，我开始感觉到心疼了。

…

那时，我还是没喜欢上你。但是，我总是觉得你若跟她的话，你一定不会开心的。可是，这种东西怎么会留到我来管呢？？天啊，我在想什么。

…

Library camp。你和另外一个她。听到别人那么“欺负”你和她，我心里觉得十分难过。但是，她是我的朋友。她帮了我很多，要保持朋友关系，我一定要当作没事的…可是，看起来，好像给大家看透了心… 难道我是那么的差劲？！唉…

那时候，我能够真正的告诉自己：“我喜欢你。”

…

AGM后的某一天…你跑到我后面，推了我一下，说你要告诉我一些事情。我们就边走边谈了，谈了谈了，你说你也喜欢上我了。我…无言。没想到真的发生了，我喜欢的人真的喜欢上我了。我还记得，那天我觉得很开心、兴奋。

…

从此，每天的放学后，我们一定会见面、谈天、最后，拥抱。即使拥抱只是短短的几秒钟，却对我来说是世上最幸福的几秒钟。我总是想：“认识你是我生命里最美好的事。”

当时我真笨。我毫无发现到你这个人到底是怎样的人。我真的很笨，非常的笨。我一直以为 我和你这一次一定是天生一对的。我以为，我以为，我一直以为！

当时，我经常忘记一件很重要的事：我和你之间不是男女朋友的关系！

Friday : I called up the office of PLKN and got the info that I have to write a surat rayuan to change batch. So I did. And sent it on the spot via email and fax. I hope they f***ing received it. Annoyed, I called up again and did a lot of research about NS. I found out that the chances of changing batch is low. VERY LOW. You have no idea how demotivated I was. Dad have to talk to me about going with the flow and just accept the things in life, after all, things don't always go your way. 

Saturday : Still affected, I couldn't play badminton properly. I had the shittiest game and disappointed many people on the court. I'm started to think myself as a weak person again. Then I realized, all I need is someone to be by my side and constantly remind me to never give up. No matter how much I tell myself that, it just won't work... until Jia Qi said, dont give up yet. Not yet. 

Sunday (today) : Outing with Nee Kee and Kayli! It was fun and tiring. We walked around Sunway, had KFC for lunch, watched Hunger Games : Catching Fire , had pretzel for the first time and talked a lot at Coffee Bean. Catching up on news and sharing views about random things. I told them about what happen to me about NS, a bit of friends, some stuff about him and studies. 

I'd been walking like an old lady for the whole day today.

Anyway, I groomed Dai Dai! Well, it was suppose to be grooming and just trimming but the fur was so messy I ended up shaving it :( 

Before grooming :

Look. So furry. And kinda messy for the fur :/ 

Just half way through cutting the fur... Its already half shaved :(

After grooming. Looks so skinny hahaha... I guess she was tired for standing 2 hours non stop while I shaved her :/ 

The amount of fur I shaved :/ ahhh ><

Damn, I suck. 

>.< 

Haih. 

Time really flies :( 

So basically, these are the things I'd been waiting for and also not hoping it happens:

(1) Receiving my NS letter. It was suppose to be during November but words went on from ear to ear saying that it would be the first week of December. Oh man :/

(2) Outing with friends. It should happen but yet, it would also mean that high school is really ending and you won't be able to see your friends anymore. Sobs :( 

(3) Going back to Mukah. Argh. Not that I hate that place and grandpa is sick now :( Its just the people there annoys the hell out of me.

(4) My birthday. Sometimes I feel that Facebook shouldn't even have this birthday thing. Its like boom! Here is all the notifications regarding your birthday. Ugh. Can I have it in a small scale? :3 pretty pretty please? :3 or like nobody knows. Lol. I should just delete my fb account if I think like that haha

(5) Facing reality again. Like it or not, time is gonna pass. I'm gonna face NS or studying (if it happens) and a load more of disappoinment. Ugh.

Go with the flow I guess.

But I just don't want to grow up. 

:(

Life would be so different. Not being able to see your friends who meant sk much to you.

:(

Good night.