Tiffany

I reached Neekee's house at 2.30pm and watched Peter Pan (childhood memories) and The Big bang Theory. And then Cassie came all prepared with her prom dress and nails :O but she complained a lot about how others looked prettier than her when she went to do her hair. Hahaha... 

Hmm.. I did a bit of makeup for Cassie too since she wanted some. And I did mine myself :P just a simple one tho... Heavy makeups sucks :P 

Then we waited for Chiu yan before going to the hotel :) 

The first thing we did after reaching was going to the TOILET. Apparently none of the girls there knows where is the toilet and we were all like " =_= ".seriously... After we found the toilet, everyone just started rushing in. Blahhhhh. 

Haha then Ivan gave me a card... I was surprised cos' I TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE ME ANYTHING. And he did. With the design of a Jack card too :') I'm touched. Thanks >< I couldnt stop reading it when i got home and realized how much spelling errors he made. Hahahaha.

Btw, Neekee and I got Starbucks :3 

Then we took a lot of pics with people. Lol. 

OH OH AND AND IVAN GAVE ME A BRACELET. Which explains all the question he had been asking me like are you right handed and stuff. Haiya.... But thanks for the not so surprising surprise, I will take good care of it ^^ I love it too haha thank youuuuuu <3 

Fast forward to the start of the event, the first dish sucks ttm. I'm not a goat or a caterpillar. Its like, leaves and olive oil lol. I shouldnt say that, but damn i paid rm 170. The second dish was mushroom soup ._. I'm not complaining since it tasted better than the others. And the 3rd dish was... Dry. Its chicken with sauces and all but I couldnt finish them. Even Ivan couldn't. No regrets saying yes for being his prom date tho hahahaha anddddd dessert. Dessert was awfully sweet, too sweet tbh. Maybe one of the chefs mistaken one tablespoon of sugar to one bucket of sugar.

Then it was SLOW DANCE TIME. I didn't realize it was until Ivan nudged me constantly. And Julian told me its slow dance time. HAHAHAHA. 

I didn't want to do it at first cos' I was really REALLY SHY. And I dunno how to dance and its with someone I liked???????? Ek. 

It was awkward for the first few minutes until it went into a hug kind of dance hahaha i dunno how to describe that but its probably one of the best feelings to have when you are still in your high schools :') 

AND IT LASTED LIKE WHAT? 15 MINUTES? I JUST STARTED ENJOYING THE COMPANY WITH HIM :( :( 

And then it was a dance performance by Ivan's friends. Nice and hilarious too. And then dancefloor timeeeee. 

I hate it. I'm not sure if Ivan wanted to dance with his friends or not, tho he kept saying no... But he looked like he wanted to -.- so i felt bad for pulling him out from the crowd ._. :( 

Oh and we held hands. 

I dunno how but it just came naturally. So. Yeah. 

._. 

Then we spent the last minutes talking at the stairs, looking outside the window :) 

It has been a great time with my friends, tho I still think it wasn't worth the money :P But all's well when it ends well :)

Thanks to Ivan for proposing. I never thought it would even happen, I remembered thinking that its impossible but I guess I was really wrong. And thanks for not making things so terribly awkward like what happened between Chiu Yan and Stewart :P haha 

And the card! Ohmaigosh.. The efforts made to do the card was incredible. I dunno how to write back to you now ;( 

And the bracelet. Its simple and cute ^^ 

Same goes with this. I HONESTLY DUNNO WHAT TO DO FOR YOU NOW... Its not like I'm going out anywhere to get you any thing :( i feel so bad :( 

T.T 

TT.TT 

Sigh. I suck in making a surprise. 

I'll try to think of something i guess :( 

><

Last week and the oast few days had been absolutely hectic. Anyway, today's paper was Biology and Moral. I didn't have enough time to memorise all the definations but I'm lucky enough to be able to answer the questions with the limited nilais i have in my small brain. 

And bio. Haha. I have no comments at all. 

I had been sleeping past 12.30am since Sunday and this routine goes on till yesterday. And now, its 10.50pm and I'm going to sleep. 

It was a stressful day today, but it all turned better when I realized that there ARE people who really notices the small things. 

I felt blessed ^^

(Wait, I'm not a christian ._. ) 

(Mehh, who cares.) 

Nites :3

I'm not confident with my pra trials exam at all, but one thing is that for this one month, I'm gonna work really hard and get 9A+ AT LEAST. 

So, I will work hard. 

I want that results really bad, and I'm gonna get it. 

Get into Pharmacy and excel in it. 

Yeahh, that's what I want. 

For now at least. 

Let's go hardcore babe, I got a goal to achieve. 

Not because you kept reminding them to do so, but they realized them because they cared. 

And when you found those people that cared about you, do the same thing too. 

Don't be selfish. 

Think about others too. 

Think what you can do to help others.

Haha. Its gonna be Add maths paper 1 and BM paper 2 so I should start studying on komsas. 

Qi told me about stuff on the reasons why she isn't Julian's prom date. Now both of them are feeling guilty :| one is guilty for calling it off, one is guilty for asking her as prom date.

Then it was Chun Ken's birthday yesterday and SueZanne gave him a birthday present. I never asked what she gave but seriously, she was sad because he tore the wrapping paper that she designed herself. 

I kinda feel guilty too. Because I was the one that suggest to her to design her own wrapping paper since she don't have time to buy. 

And she spent loads of time designing it, so... Jeez. She even have a notebook to compare and choose which designs are the best. 

An this morning she was still heartbroken. And Chun Ken was feeling guilty too. But he was blaming her for being so sensitive too :/ 

Hmmm....

Should I be guilty too? 

Well, its just a suggestion.... But since she took it, does it mean I'm part of the blame now? :O 

NOOOOOOO /.\

是自己笨。怪不了谁。

是自己自私。

是自己胆小。 

是自己不敢面对事实。

别人看不起我， 我不怪他们。也许现在会有人注意到我是因为我戴上了一幅假面。喜欢我的人，应该只喜欢我的好方。我不可犯错，要不然别人就会对我有了不好的眼。

为什么不做自己啊？

为什么这么要讨别人的心？

为什么？！

我恨自己了。自己白痴。自己笨蛋。

结果受最多伤害、吃了最多苦的人是谁？

是我。

就是我。

片体鳞伤的我。

心里就是有哪一部分，在那儿痛着呢？

哭着呢？

Honestly, I didn't mean to get the best swimsuit along with Pei Ru. She wore beach style..... I think. So was me.... I think. 

Well, HONESTLY, I didn't meant to get the lucky draw either. 

That bigass hamper /.\ 

This gathering kinda make me wonder about what's gonna happen after NS.. I know Nee Kee would be there ngahahaha

But I'm not sure whether the Top 7 will have our own gathering again. I got doubts that they would tho :P 

And ivan. 

._. 

Let's not think about that depressing part. 

And, I'm not sure whether its just me overthinking or something, he gave back a really simple note. I'm not being greedy or what, but I was actually hoping that he would say more than thanks about the note I gave him.  Maybe something like thanks for motivating? I dunno, I really don't. But then, its a really small thing which I decide to ignore :) I mean, we're just friends right? 

But sometimes, I just feel that no matter how much I helped him in studies or motivates him, he just won't budge. 

Maybe studying isn't what he likes to do, well, I don't like it either. But its definitely something I will force myself to do so, so that I won't disappoint the people around me. So that, I don't get looked down. I know, by the time I'm at college, no one is gonna care how many As I have. 

But that is the future. And As is definitely the most important thing NOW. Sigh well... Life just don't go your way. 

So how have I been this few weeks?

Honestly, I don't like my progress. 

I procrastinated a lot. And I couldn't concentrate well because I kept hoping that I can talk to Ivan again. 

Sometimes, I think, I should really start controlling myself. Like now. 

No more excuses. No more 'just another minute of thinking of him'. Nope. 

I get demotivated easily. I collapsed the moment someone says,"You could've done better." or "She is better that you". 

Again, people always say, Don't compare yourself with others, its like insulting yourself. True, but easy said then done. 

And, instead of being a typical low self-esteem teenager, I should have taken those words as a motivation to improve myself and drive myself further. 

But I didn't.

Sigh. Sometimes I just have to learn things the hard way because I'm just too stubborn to accept the reality. 

A typical teenager. With this kind of attitude, I'm definitely going no where. 

Another disappointing part? 

So is him. 

It's gonna come to one point where we separated because one of us just can't take each other's attitude anymore. 

Wait, we're just friends lol

Anyway, I sometimes hope he would read my blog but like what he said. He is just not good in reading. 

Well. That's an excuse. 

I don't know about him. 

I just don't know. 

I'm just another typical immature teenager. 

Its time to stand in front of the mirror and start developing myself. Its already 2013. 

Okay. Anyway, today was the first day for the Focus program thingy for the Form 5s and I'm glad MunLin and MayXuan sat near me. Unfortunately, Beng Jin was sitting behind me and he was noisy as f***. Well, you just can't have life going your way, the worlds doesn't revolve around you. 

It was today, where I realized that I have not enough time to study already. I felt that I'm still very lagged behind compared to others, so I'm gonna push myself harder. 

I can do this. 

There are ppl from UK, Singapore, Phillippines, Indonesia and Malaysia. 

Cool isn't it?? :D 

Well.... 

That's a first hahahahaha

Hmm... Then we went to Bilik Sal and its the first time I played Monopoly. A bit complicated but I guess its fine... There are a lot of strategies to play that game... But I dont have a Monopoly partner to play. Haiyaa.... 

First time for me to play congkak but the modern way too =_= 

Ivan lah.. So retarded. 

Didn't get to study much at Hari Koku tho... Wellllllllllll. /.\ 

How long are you willing to wait? 

Anyway, 

 

Lesson learnt: Never give up on hopes.

I'm skipping school today since nothing will be going on in class. A unproductive school day if I go. So, I woke up at 7am today and had a terrible migraine. I'm still having it now :/ I googled the cause and the only possible cause is low blood pressure. 

Ngawww.... Okayy :/ 

I'm not sure whether I should take a nap and see what happens on the dizziness. But at the same time, I don't want to waste time sleeping when I could have studied :/ 

But pain sial my head -.- 

Ish. 

I argued with Dad due to differences in opinions, and even though when I was proven right, he still protects his ego. Well, guys have their man ego too, I don't blame them. 

But the thing is, he still won't let go. After proven right, he would kept quiet for a while, realized his ego is hurt, changes topic and talked about all the mistakes you'd done in the past.

I'm not saying you are wrong, I'm just saying that just be humble and listen to what others have to say. Just because you're proven to be right for many things and is respected by many, that doesn't mean that others are always wrong. 

And if they are proven right, good. Be humble, lower down your ego and listen.

Its hard to lower down your ego and take one step back, i know. But you just got to try, or else you will damage a relationship.

Okay. 

I'm not gonna continue complaining but yeah, I have my limits too.