Tiffany

Just done surviving a really tough week and I felt like having a long break in life already. I'm a sad kid.
Anyway, this week, its all about studying, preparing for assignments, rushing homework, exam-ing and managing relationship.

A frouple relationship lol friend + couple haha

I'm still in awe with myself being able to confront him just like that. Ended things just like that. Just because I started noticing that conversation are getting colder and briefer. The reluctance in chatting and messaging. The difference in emotions when we sometimes meet, although he caught me staring at him for quite a number of times.

And then, I decided to go cold too.  I'd been feeling hurt for all these weeks. I know you are too, but I definitely don't know why, I'm not a mind reader. I thought you'd realize but you didn't and instead I was wrong.

I'm sorry for hurting you. 

Things got so complicated and I thought, "Let's end this." And I sent that long message to him. I remembered he told me before to not send him long messages because he hated it, that was back when we're Form 5. I guess he forgotten? He replied with a longer message haha. I was surprised.
I was actually hoping that he would say stuffs like just stay, wait for me till I'm prepared, an apology or something.

But scenarios like that only happens in movies. 

Instead its a really long message of "you said it like it was only you that made the effort.", "I'm tired", "I'm hurt too".
I'm sorry. 
 I realized I was wrong too. For hanging on to you for so long.
"Hugs? Meeting up with you?" blah blah blah
So, all these time, those were just guiltless flirting? For you to relieve your boredom? I thought it was for real. And I honestly hoped that you were serious back to those times and things are different now because everything had changed. When I read your message saying that you never had the intention of beginning a new relationship, why do you have to make it like we're for real? I'm sorry but, its just really hard for me to accept this.

You probably had no idea how much I felt like I'd been used. To add salt to the wound, you're my first love.
But I'm the one saying sorry here, haha. I'm such a stupid girl. I just lost a really close person whom I shared about my daily encounters every single day.

I shouldn't be so naive. But its okay, I learnt my lesson.

Anyway, I spent the week finishing up homework which just piles up day by day, so now I have 10 maths assessments accumulated in my bag and there is a Maths test and oral presentation on Tuesday.
I'm emphasizing this haha :P
I just finished doing my slides tho, and I should be proceeding to the script soon, but Maths homework looks tempting. I mean, 10+ assessments not done and there's test?

I should be studying haha

Oh and Economics test was like a war zone - a war between me and my pen. Only an hour to finish 15 MCQs and 3 essay questions consisting 10 graphs ( law of demand, law of supply, shift in both curves, movements, differences, expected curve to result after a situation, etc). And the marks are a killer! One missing detail on the graph and there goes one mark and all your effort of drawing it! So, if I missed out a detail in all 10 graphs, I'll lost 10 marks and my poor efforts T.T

When Ms. Pratiba announced that there was only 5 more minutes for answering the questions, I still had 3 more graphs to go.
Aaaaaaand I did the impossible! I did 3 graphs in 5 minutes!!
Best life achievement for the week!!! hahaha

But then, teacher,
Why you gotta be so cruel~? T.T

Maths test will be the same too, there will be drawing graphs and solving trigonometry questions.
ahhhh,
Jia you <3

And by baby, I meant HuiWen haha..
We started calling her baby just because she has this really cute voice and natural charisma ^^
So well, I know what you;re facing now, and I was trying to lift your mood up by playing a break up song, and yes, 2NE1 has a lot of "i hate guys" songs :) And its kinda a sad mood killer when Sylvia walked in and asked about accounts hahaha....

And now " I Am The Best" is on the playlist while I'm typing this, I'm glad that you are singing to it because Ivan would probably show me that "okay /.\" face.

Aites, so let's cut the chase :

People come, people go. That's life, you know. I know, one day, I'm gonna face the same thing as you, but your situation right now is different than mine :)

I'm still hanging into that tiny string of hope, but the feeling fades a little by little every day. There's always the first day and the first time for everything, and you're just facing it now, right now.

You can't do much now, it was your decision. It could be a terrible one, it could be for your sake too :) Don't blame yourself for this, its not your fault.

Don't blame him too :)
 He have his reasons and his freedom to do whatever he wants, but don't forget, you have the same advantages too.

You too, have the freedom, to do so.
And you CAN.

Choose to be happy everyday, it takes time. It could be hours, days, weeks, months or maybe years. But its okay. It doesn't matter. It seriously doesn't matter at all.

You don't have to compare yourself to him, you don't need to. 

Be happy, because you deserved to be happy.

And when you had forgave him, you will know that you had forgave yourself :) And then you will realized, you moved on.

You know, if two people are meant for each other, no matter how long they had moved on, no matter how far they are apart, and when one night, before they go to sleep, they will listen to their heart and just one day, if and only if they are meant for each other, the heart will lead them to each other.
And then you will know that, all those mistakes you had made with him before, during or after the relationship, is nothing but just a past.

Whoever that walks into your life have a meaning, whether they are a lesson or a blessing.

So, why the rush? :)

Take your time.

We are still here for you, anytime. I can play 2NE1 songs for you whenever you want :D hahaha

Jia you baby <3