Conversations with traces of demotivated tones and self-degrading words.

What are there to say besides 'Sorry, I shouldn't have put hopes."

Why are there even hopes anyway? 

Disappointment.

Lesson learnt. You can't change another person but you can only change yourself.

If you don't even have the will to start with, how could you even change for the better.

Instead of both parties change for the better, it all ends up with only one party changing to adapt the current situation. 

They said people can change because of love.

Doesnt really fit this situation though. Or maybe there isn't enough love?

Is it my fault?

What are the chances it isn't my fault. Of course it is. 

I hate myself being so ambitious. No one around me could keep up and I'm down to being alone again and again. It's okay. I'm used to it. First few times I was crying and given up, but then later, its just a routine.

I don't even want a partner that could strive with me anymore, just someone that could support me will do. 

"Sorry for disappointing you." 

It's okay. You didn't disappoint me. I disappointed myself. 

It's okay. You're not the first one that said so. I can assure you everyone in this world had said that before to me. Even the closest ones. From best friends to roommates to group members. People from the past and I'm sure to the people in the future. To everyone, in fact.

It's a lesson I'll never learn properly because I'll always have hope and expectations. Getting hurt repeatedly is fine. Losing people here and there because of my aggressiveness and not wanting to disappoint others has been natural.  

So, really. Don't need to apologize for disappointing me. 

I'll change.

So that I won't lose you.

I'm tired of losing people I love and care for.