Sorry I'm bad with titles. And introductions.

I'm typing this because I'm actually feeling really fed up with socializing.

I realized that I am now very active on Instagram. I had always been taking photos ever since I had an iPhone. Now, with my Samsung, I had taken even more photos. Usually, I would go for macro shots or just a plain scene in front of me. Now, I go for portraits.

Talking about portraits, I can't seem to draw anymore. Its probably my mentality that's in problem but every time I hold a pencil and ready myself in front of the white paper, I can't draw.

I'm serious. The paper seemed like a stranger to me. The pencil I'm holding doesn't flow as smooth as it used to be. Concentrating on human's facial details was an incredible failure. Maybe the face I'm trying to draw is too hard. So, I changed to another photo. It a simple face. I begin to draw.

Then, I realized. I had problem with starting the first stroke of carbon on the paper.

I lost it.

I lost the artistic value in me.

What's going on?

Till now, I'm still confused. I'm pretty sure its something wrong with my mentality and I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I tried to draw again and again but it ended up a total failure, I couldn't even shade anymore. Its like, I couldn't draw calmly.

That's not it that's bothering me.

We had an information talk about two weeks ago. Its regarding choosing a degree in Monash Uni in the future, which we had to submit a form of the degree we want to pursue in the future. Naturally, I'm going for Business.

But I'm confused with what I actually want to do. I'm stuck between what I want and what's actually worth it. Should I abandon my interest and go for a major that would actually brings me money? Or should I just go for this major and fight for my future like I had always been doing?

I need counselling. I need someone to talk to who wouldn't judge me when I lay out my thoughts. I'm tired of listening to people telling me things like,
'You seriously want to go for Marketing? Its pretty useless.'
or
'Why not take Accounting? Sure got job one in the future.'

My heart swayed.

Should I listen to them?

I don't want to regret in the future, you know.

I ended up sleepless for many nights because of this. I tried to talk to my parents about this, but it seemed like they weren't very serious. They just laughed and waved it away.

'You decide yourself lah.'

True. I have to decide it myself.

But right now, I'm just a confused, college student.