Its been a month after finals ended. My goal for this 2 months holiday was to work as an internship in Maybank but nope, not happening because Mama K said they will call me if there are any spots.
And there wasn't any job vacancy at the moment, except for one. But its already December and my plans for this month is absolutely a blur.

Like,
Should I go to work? But I have some family plans and friend outings in Dec because its the month when everyone is having their sem break.

But what if I stayed at home instead? Until the start of a new semester?
Honestly, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Since I wanted to improve my English and learn more general knowledge. Though I admit I spent a lot of time watching anime during meal times sometimes and manga whenever I take a break.

But I do read novels and articles too. However, I felt like that's all I can do for this holiday.

I wanted to draw, but I'm only drawing when both my parents are not around. Personally I should be free to do anything I want during the holidays since its harmless? Plus, I'm growing up so I should decide on how I wanted to spend my time?

So I tried drawing again today.
"Why are you drawing, Pei Er?"  Mom questioned. Dad turned around to look at his daughter, the sketch book and pencils all ready on the white table.
I ignored and started to draw.
"Can you do something more productive instead of that?" Dad asked sternly. I didn't dare to look at him - as usual. And I went indecisive on whether or not I should obey.

Dad pressed on. "Do you have any idea on how HengJee is living his life at uni right now the moment we speak? He had been joining dance performace for an upcoming event. He plays badminton with his friends during his free time. And he has been studying very hard to get a CGPA 4 flat which he had proven to accomplished for his first semester.
He is going to be a doctor, Pei Er.
A doctor, you know? The first one in the See family. Do you know how much hope we have on him? In fact, we are so proud of him that finally, we can see one of our children becoming a someone...."

It doesn't ends there, of course. There were still a lot more which I couldn't make myself to listen anymore. I pretended to be listening, but I'm just concentrating in keeping a straight face, and not to show any signs of breaking down. I managed to do so, but the sadness doesn't end there as well.

Something came up and I couldn't go to Penang to meet up with HanCen and the others. Parents wont be home for 4 days 3 nights, and I didn't want to stay at home during that period.
So, I asked if its possible to plan the trip earlier.

Mom was asking me about the details of my plan when suddenly, Dad interrupted.
"Is it a must for you to go Penang, just to meet up with your FRIENDS? Its not like you would do the same for us .*snorts* What's wrong with staying at home?"

I felt like telling him that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with staying at home during my parents' absence. But, there isn't anything wrong with visiting a friend.
Instead I kept quiet like how I did over the years.
Just breath. That's what I tell myself everytime when something like this happen.

Why doesn't any of this ever happen to my brother? Just me?
Maybe because he doesn't hangout with his friends. Maybe during his holidays, he would go out and find a job, not like me, just staying at home and read stuffs.

He read books too, in fact, more than me. And those with deep understandings and knowledge which I wouldn't be able to comprehend in any age.

I guess, that's why my parents favor him so much. He is the perfect son. A perfect child to them. Of course, never in my eyes will he be perfect. No one is. And hell, even in terms of perfection, he is far from it.

But, I don't see him as a parent's view. I see him as a brother, as a human in overall.

As a son, he doesn't fight back. He never oppose any opinions or any such to my parents. He listens and obeys. He knows when and what to say to them, at the right time and place and content. He is just so good at it.

Unlike me.

Once, I think it was around last week. Dad said he wanted to throw Dai Dai away because she is getting old and tends to snore a lot when she sleeps.
I think its cute. For a dog to snore in its sleep. Just like humans too.

Dad was serious about it. He mentioned many times before this, but this time he really looked at Dai Dai and asked me.

I hated myself for saying this, but I did anyway because I can't stand that narrow minded thinking of his.
"Dai Dai is old and she snores in her sleep. To throw her away just because she is old is like saying I throw you away when you are old."

I can see he was obviously hurt by what I said. As much as I hated it, I don't regret it. Not at all. I'm sick and tired of listening to any statements about having a family member thrown or given away or lost or die. No. I don't want to lose Dai Dai just like that.

Haha... I feel so stupid. Seriously.

Relating a father to a house pet, its totally two different thing since a father is the one with authority and a house pet is just a - pet. But to me, a family is a family.
Just like how he gave Orka away with the reason he have too much ticks and 'we can't have 3 dogs at home' excuse.

He confronted me about it a few days later, at IOI Mall in Putrajaya, when we were waiting for Mom's flight to land. He was really hurt and mad about it, but sorry, I have no regrets.

I guess he doesn't treat Dai Dai the way I treated her - as a family.

Sigh. Its gonna be hard to finish 2014 but I'll do my best :)