Tiffany

Can't believe I'm so rajin to type all these things and post. Finals got me like, anything is good as long as it isn't about studying. So anyway, here is a summary of Sem 2. Just like my previous sem, I took up the same 4 subjects.

Basically, sem 2 is like, 5 times harder than sem 1 and I'm not kidding. Okay, maybe a little. Maybe I got lazier but anyway, sem 2 is tough.

Sem 2

English: English had changed a lot compared to sem 1. When sem 1 is all about analyzing, double that in Sem 2. Sem 1 has some articles to read and we had to write an essay about it; Sem 2 you gotta double that stack of article into a novel, 2 movies, 1 long text and 1 stack of chapters from a book. Of course, no foundation in this world is designed to kill students or else how are private universities going to earn money?

The first few months of English class will be concentrated on analyzing and understanding the study materials like what I'd just typed up there to write an essay based on a prompt. I'm not sure whether Monash will change their format or not, but for my year we study about the theme "Justice/Injustice".  The essay you got to write has formats too, and it will take you only 2 days to finish, unlike sem 1 where you have 3 days.

There are 2 core materials & 3 other materials to support your stand when it comes to writing the essay:

(1) The Kite Runner; Core material. It's a novel and I actually kinda like the story. Unpopular opinion here, but honestly if you read this novel in a different angle, let's say you treat it like a novel you read to pass time on a Sunday evening, heck. This story portrays a superb scene of what's happening in Afghanistan and the story between a dominant race and his slave. Trust me, I'm not really thaaat emotional kind of person, but this story is potential. Don't watch the movie tho. Read the novel as soon as you got it during the holidays because when Sem 2 starts, investing time to finish a thick novel during a series of busy classes will be the last thing on your list.

(2) 42; Core material. Yes, that's the title of the movie. The first time I watched the movie in class (yes, we will be watching movies in class), it was pretty wow effect. Then the next few times I watched right, I kinda realized the movie didn't actually show what really did happened in history. It's based on a real story in America about breaking the barriers between the blacks and whites in baseball. Download the movie and subtitles to assist your understanding.

(3) Rabbit - Proof Fence; Other materials. There's isn't any rabbits in the movie, mind you. I was expecting big, chubby brown rodents hopping around but I was definitely disappointed to the core. Anyway, this is based on a real story too, in Australia years ago where the Aboriginals are greatly suppressed by the whites. Here we can understand the ideas of both sides, the Aboriginals and the whites, of the reason of the happening of the Lost Generation. This movie don't really have great actors in it so it's normal to complain about boredom but obviously this isn't the point here. Likewise, download the subtitles and watch the movie at night when you have insomnia.

(4) The Apology Speech; Other materials. This is a speech by Australia's Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, apologozing to the Aboriginals on behalf of the previous generations of politicians regarding their harsh treatment on the minorities. Take a read, it's rather long. Either way, I did not use this material AT ALL in my entire sem 2 because, I have no idea how to use this to support my points. Haha.

(5) Half the Sky; Other materials. This one is disturbing. It's based on reality and everything that is written are about the loss of woman rights. Based in Cambodia, Congo, India, ladies of all ages were surpressed in any way possible. When religious laws used to protect the chastity of women are perverted into disrespecting females. This is really heartbreaking and it will get you thinking.

After reading all that and understanding them, you have to write an essay answering a prompt just like sem 1, but with more evidence to support your ideas. Writing the essay is not easy at all, you don't need to memorize everything, you just got to understand the stories then you can do it.

Not to forget, there will also be a report followed by a presentation. For this round, I did "Does Cosmetic Surgery bring Negative Impacts to Teenagers". Just like my previous post, practice and you will make it. My lecturer was Ms Ashley and she is wonderful :) English lecturers for Sem 2 are all quite nice, of course there will be a difference in preference of the way they teach but overall they are okay.

Mathematics: Unit 2 of Maths is wayyyyyy easier than Sem 1. You gonna need your graphic calculator a lot, there are lots of calculations and concepts to understand. But at least it doesn't require memorizing. The hardest part of this subject is Combination and Permutation. The topics we learnt are closely related to Form 5 Add Maths, but deeper of course. Recommended lecturer: Ms Jessey. She is the most sarcastic, fun to be with kind of lecturer and probably the most sadistic person I've ever met. There are other lecturers too and they are good as well, so getting either one is great. There isn't much to compare.

We have a research project which is a group project too. And yes, a good team mates helps a lot. For this project we need to get surveys in simple forms, and it's all about statistics.

Economics: When I thought I had moved on with Ms Pratiba, she came back teaching for Sem 2. But she was pretty okay compared to previous sem. Economics unit 2 is all about macroeconomics, and brace yourself, it's tough. You need to be able to relate from one concept to the other concept, using the concept of Unit 1. If you need to read the sentence a few times, that's what gonna happen when you are studying Econs Unit 2. It's confusing, but trust me when you managed to understand one small subtopic, you can mostly get the entire topic. And you have to make sure you understand the first chapter before going to the second, because they are ALL RELATED. It's not a killer subject I would say, it's just hard to understand. Probably easier to understand women but still hard but people still get married happily so it's possible to get a HD on this (i hope).

We don't have a research project this time. But we have one media commentary and one research essay. The research essay is a bit tough beecause its an open book test which means, we need to get information beforehand of Australia's economic data and statistics to answer the questions as well as the recent news. The media commentary was okay so no worries on that.

Accounting: Accounts is harder because there are more formulas and new stuffs and postings journals and different formats here and there. But still handeable. Among these 4 subjects, I would actually say that accounts is the easiest. All you need is just practice and you are the winner. We only have one accounts teacher, Ms Lai and she is literally, everything you need to learn accounts. She answers every single one of your stupid questions and dumb doubts patiently. She can explain from head to toe about why journals existed in such a way that we find it confusing to post, but her explanation will make you understand some shortcuts. She can be rather clumsy in class haha, either way I like her class even though its boring at times.

So, yeah. This kinda sums up my experience in the MUFY Foundation programme. The nice thing about it is that you can choose your own timetable, the bummer is you won't get the same classmates unless you gang up. Coming here to Sunway College and choosing MUFY alone, I just had to start making friends from scratch. It can be rather disappointing when other people already have a gang to hang out with but you don't and that's fine. This is how you learn to be independant and I actually found myself happier that way. I recommend you to find positive friends too, there are loads of rich kids that cares 90% of themselves only and they can ridicule you on the choices you make. You don't need this kind of negativty in life, move on. Make new friends.

Enjoy your foundation year :)

I'm a MUFY student, just done with my Sem 2 finals (hopefully no sem 3) today. Its probably a rush for me to update my blog about this but seriously, I have nothing to do now since I'm done with the exams. Let me make things clear first: I'm a July intake student who takes English, Mathematics, Economics and Accounting for both two semesters.

So if you guys saw my latest Instagram post, you guys might probably wonder how I took the photo?

Its kinda obvious actually, I took some photos of the procedures tho. But let me tell you this, this shot was a rather failure in my eyes haha

Procedures:
1. Draw a pair of eyes. Try to make it even ahahhaha it doesnt have to be perfect

2. I tried to use gel pens to make those crying tears effect. Like, you know when girls with mascara cries, there are like those black tears trails rolling down their cheeks? Yeah, I was trying to make the effect, but I tried a few times. That also means drawing a pair of eyes a few times.

3. Add a few drops of water on the corner of the eyes because that's where your tears are formed, right. Then, try your best to make the trail.

4. Since it was raining, I took the chance to make the window as advantage. So that its like, crying. Like. Idk how to say ._.

5. Take the shot and with some edits, tahda!

As Malaysians, I'm sure many of us are aware of the recent news regarding a MARA scholar who was jailed after having amount almost 30, 000 child pornography in his possession. A scholar who was studying in London, carrying the name and money of Malaysia. Recently, in an "unofficial" discussion by the MARA council members announced that this scholar should be given a second chance after he had served his sentence.

No, seriously I have no idea that I'm going to get this scholarship. I'm quite a low confident person actually, I'm not good in many aspects compared to others, for example my roommate and housemates. They are Maybank Scholars and Sponsors as well. But we all went through the same hardship.

So, anyway, I decided to write this post because of the other Maybank scholars from my year. It started from Sabrina, then Farida... and hopefully the trend ends here in this blog post ahaha. Can't believe I'm doing this two weeks before finals but okay, nvm.

How I got Maybank Scholarship
When I got my SPM slip results, I was super shocked. I got 8A+, 2A. Just one more A+ to getting a bursary scholarship. But I wasn't aiming that because I knew academics has never been my strong point since young, and getting these much of A+ seems a lot to me. Even my parents accused me for cheating in SPM because I had NEVER gotten so many As in my study life. Okay, the day I got my results is the day I started applying for every single scholarships online.

Clarification: I'm not from a wealthy family, but neither am I poor. My family lived in a condition where everything is just in the right amount. Also, as general as this may get, Chinese parents would want their child to achieve high standards occupation, for example doctor, lawyer, engineer, architecture, you know lah. My parents wanted me to be a pharmacist, which at first I was okay with the idea. Until I woke up one day and realized that being a pharmacist would mean that I will have to get up from bed every morning and distribute pills and medicines as ordered by the doctor to patients in a 10ft x 10 ft room. I don't want this, man. I can't do this.

Of course there isn't any scholarships that offers medical courses (maybe there are but the quantities are pretty small). Then, I told my parents that I wanted business. Also, as general as this may get, most parents would disagree because come on, a business degree? Everyone can do business without having a business degree. And this sort of degree isn't wanted in the society.

I have no idea how to refute this argument but my parents have a point too.

'Even if I work hard?" I told my parents but they just rolled their eyes and my mom said that if I can get a scholarship to study business, then they will give in. Or else I will be going for matrikulasi and fight my chances to a pharmacy course.

And the challenge is on! I love challenges (even though I knew my chances are limited with competition so huge..T.T)

Ranging from SimeDarby to Felda to some small scholarships... I don't care. I only cared about applying for all these scholarships and I got motivated each and every day. Why? Because there are a lot of news reporting the increase in 9A+ in Form 5 students, scholars here and there, students getting courses they want...etc. The competition was tough.

So tough, that I didn't get any email replies after applying the scholarships. Felda called me up and I failed their group interview. I tried to keep positive because that time it was only April if not mistaken. I failed the Asasi Pintar assessment because I wasn't good in patterns and logical questions. But then one month later, I thought that was my last chance for a scholarship.

I wasn't good enough. Not in koko. Not in studies. I have two people I knew that had already gotten the Petronas scholarship. I admit, I was sad and moody and grumpy like nobody's business.

Until one morning, I did my usual routine of checking my email inbox and tahda. An email from Maybank for a online assessment. Yeah! Well, I had actually posted it in my blog before regarding this and it was written like a year ago so please please! Forgive me if I had written it in a rather childish way, I just hope you guys can learn a thing or two from there <3 haha

Maybank Foundation Interview Experience => http://callmetiffany.blogspot.com/2014/04/maybank-foundation-interview-experience.html?showComment=1428338966763#c2418166421148151092

Maybank Foundation Round 3 => http://callmetiffany.blogspot.com/2014/05/maybank-foundation-scholarship-round-3.html?showComment=1430112027600#c8176047448110867786

Check out the comment sections for what I had replied to the previous esquires :)

And if you are a Maybank Scholar too and by any chance would like to thank me (ahhahaha im just kidding please dont thank me okay Im helping you guys out for the fun of it) do add me on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter.

I would humbly want to be friends with you *bows 90 degree*.

My FB profile page: https://www.facebook.com/TiffanyPeiEr
My Twitter: @tiffanypeier
My Instagram: @tiffanypeier

So I saw this photo on both Facebook and 9gag and I think its rather motivating.

You are probably frowning right now like, what?! But the title said 'Reasons people gave up' or something like that.

Exactly that is why its motivating. Because often I met people giving up simply because 'it was too hard for me'. They don't realize the real reason they actually gave up.

So, with this picture, reading through the reasons shown may bring you some deja vu. Some of the reasons are pretty obvious and some are just familiar to the happenings around you.

Personally, I find the reason 'thinking your problems are unique' quite relatable. Often I gave up over small, little things like homeworks just because I think my problems are 'unique'. For example, I suck terribly (no exaggeration) in maths, and I gave up on maths homeworks easily just because I have no maths genes in me. My problem is pretty unique, huh?

In reality, no. There are billions of people on planet Earth so no, okay. Your problems aint unique unless you are the first black president of America who have to suffer criticisms like 'Thanks Obama' or black racism complains because there is only one black president in America. Okay, so mot having maths gene sucks, because even going shopping with all the discounts hanging around the shops will not make you excited but confused with the actual price of the product you want to buy.

Its all about whether you want to do it or not. Just as the saying goes, 'if there is a will, there is a way'. I hated it when I asked people why they gave up on something and they told me, 'because I can't, okay?' I heard excuses like, 'Who cares anyway?' Or 'I'm tired and I want to sleep so all these shits are just a bother'.

Okay, maybe giving up on something you don't like to do, like homeworks can be acceptable in some ways because it stresses you up and all you want is to give up.

But in my opinion, that's kinda bullshit. Yeah, I know everyone has their own opinion but reading this is an opinion-based blog post. I may not have the best mentality or mindset or attitude in writing this sort of thing but its just what I thought of. I agree to be disagree :)

Anyway, I'm just a stupid girl who sucks in academic and books and I know that well. So, do I give up as a student? Do I waste my time, energy and money in college, hanging out with those rich kids that often gets on my nerves with their negative mindsets (I'm not saying ALL the rich kids, okay, please don't feel offended), etc. Many times I want to give up in college (well, life basically) but no, I got to be determine and fight back my weakness.

It takes lots of mental energy and control to do so, but why would I want to trouble myself so hard since I'm a talentless student in studies? Why did I stay up late till 2am during Fridays and weekends studying? 

The reason is simple:

Because I want to.

I want to get good results. I want to be better. I want to learn. To gain knowledge.

There are so many people the same age as me, who are smarter than me. There are many kids who are rich and expenses for failing subjects will not be a bother to them. These people are already a few steps ahead of me in life thanks to their fortunate environment. I'm not rich, but I'm not poor, which I'm grateful because it had trained me to make the besr out of everything with the limited resources. I'm not a smart kid. Not the type that can bury my head in stacks of books and papers.

Work for it. That's all I can say. You want to be good? You work. You don't give up just because 'its hard' or 'you dont understand my life' kind of excuses. You only wishes it was easy, nothing in life is easy. Even breathing is hard when you are constantly feeling like you are drowning. Yes, I dont understand your life at all because I had never walk in your shoes. But one thing for sure, giving up on something with some lame 'reasons' is just cheating yourself. You told yourself beautiful excuses as lies to make yourself feel better after giving up.

Of course there are certain circumstances or situation that left you no choice but to give up but that isn't the context right now.

Sometimes, the biggest decision we have to make in life is either to walk away or to not give up.

I probably had trailed off from my main point of this picture but that's fine. Before you sleep tonight, just give this a thought. Count how many things you have given up or want to give up. Was it because of the reasons stated above? If no, was it some excuses that was so lame, it didn't even deserve to be in this picture?

Quit thinking in your comfort zone or in that square box in your head. No one grows in a confined area or a static position.

Have a good night :)

So I decided to go on a hair cut on last Friday. I wanted to have a boycut but, it won't look good on me so, nah.
Anyways, here's a photo of me now.

Maybe you guys are gonna say that long hair looks better on me and why you wamma cut your hairrrrr?!?! Ah, let's just say its for a change :) I'll grow it back no worries heh

Yeap, new events creates new lessons, experiences and memories.

Recently, lots of things had gone through my mind and at the same time, I'm doing my best to cope with my surroundings. The people around me, basically.

1. You know what, people said you can actually understand what someone feels about you by the way they looked at you.

By practicing that and observing more about the people around me in college, I realized that I had been treating the wrong people with the right pieces of me. And I really regret that I'm only realizing it now.

2. Its true that you can't please everyone. In fact, by doing so will only make your life miserable because you are not being yourself. Some people already have their opinions the moment they met you at first sight, some developed it over time. Some of them will tell you straight in your face, not hiding whatsoever thoughts; some just keep it and bottled it in their heart.

3. To keep those poisoning thoughts of others, and then burst it out to another person can be damaging to one's self and others, especially to the victim. Because if you have these hatred thoughts about others, high chances it means that you aren't an emphathetic person after all. Your lips may be moving, pronouncing the sentence 'I was thinking from your shoes too', word by word, means absolutely nothing if your action and mind proved it otherwise.

Certainly we can't read minds, but we, of most sensitive people would do, is to try our best to read your actions. And your actions and speech on us to others had shown that you are a person of strong opinion of yourself.

4. Respecting other peoples' past, environment and experiences. Just because you weren't grown up that way, doesn't mean you have to comment on it. Don't judge. My parents brought me up the way they want. They cultured me love myself, be myself and ignore what others talk about me. But what I can't tolerate is when these 'others' talk about my parents. Yes, if I'm a disrecpectful child, the fault is on me. Don't gossip behind my back, saying my parents are weird for educating me like this and that, because by doing so, you had just crossed the line. There is a thin line in everything, so be careful with where you are stepping on.

5. Learn to shut up. I think this is pretty useful. If I know something and you asked me about it, I will most definitely teach you wholeheartedly. But if you begin to have jealous thoughts or stupid pop-ups in your mind that tingles your heart to think that I'm making you feeling stupid for asking the questions, you can always quietly ask Google.

The advancement of technology would go to waste if it wasn't used to ask questions from the front to the back of your mind. So, Google, digest, interpret. And if you still don't get it, only then you ask. This way, a constructive discussion can be stimulated and a productive outcome is rather satisfying. So, do your homework before drawing up questions that at the end of the day when they are answered, you wouldn't feel stupid about it.

6. No one should judge your interests and hobbies. These things are to satisfy you, make you into a more productive person or to cultivate you into a calm soul. These things are what you crave for after a long day of work or a week of hecticness. These things are what you won't feel tired of, even though you had been doing them for days, weeks, months or even years.

So, if someone judges you about your hobby or interest, ignore them. Fuck them. You don't need negative people in your life. These sort of people are going to pull you down, and without you realizing it, you will be soon obliging to their demands and at the end of the day, who is the loser?

You.

You do your hobbies and interests to make you happy, satisfied, good, but not to impress. There is a saying in chinese I kinda forgot the real words but it meant that, the things you loved doing like your hobby is your second job or part time job. And the things you want to strive for will be your first job, the one that you are willing to fight for it, sacrifice your sleep for it, get off that lazy chair on a Wednesday afternoon. If you wanna draw, you draw. So what if its ugly. No one said drawings have to be beautiful. If you liked dancing, dance. Dont waste your time bothering what others think of you, or how your fats are gonna jiggle when you dance because it doesnt matter. Dancing is an exercise, and if you did it long enough, you might even get slim! 

Look, I really hated it when people tell me that omg I wished I could draw or something like that. No. You DID NOT wished that you could draw, you wished that it was easy. And nothing is easy if you didn't put your passion in it. Don't go telling people you don't have a hobby, or a life. Its because you didn't want one, you choose to not have one and that's a problem. Do something productive, if you liked to scroll the Internet, read things that benefits, motivates and inspire you to get out there and do something. It can be as ridiculous as just going for a walk, or folding origamis, or gardening. ANYTHING. Find something that interest you that one day, when there is no electricity for your technology, you have no problem of staying alive. Because you have a nice hobby to keep you productive and feel alive. 

In other words, there will always be someone who wanted to pull you down because they have this heart of jealousy and its a nature for them to do so without them realizing. Its because they wanted to impress others. So, by dumbing down their peers, boast a little of themselves, give a little speech on the stage... at the end of the day, who is the loser?

Them.

So, thats about it. And good luck!!

The title speaks for itself.

“有人喜欢你吗？”

Since most of my posts starts with "this week was hectic as usual", I shall change it. This time, its gonna start with,

Actually, I kinda had the rush to go to the rooftop of where I am a few weeks ago, but I'm only updating about it now haha i apologize

So, it started when HuiWen and I were watching the sunset from her room, basically all we can see was a swipe of purple and red on the sky, but no actual sunset to enjoy. And then, I asked, "What about we go search for the rooftop of Sun U Residence?"

At first, both of us went to the highest floor of Block B (the girls' block), but from the building's angle, its the perfect spot to watch the sunrise. I didn't know where on earth is the path to the rooftop though.

The next day, I went down and counted the floors because I saw a mini balcony from below. Haha... Yeah, and I counted its the 21st floor, so I went and guess what. There is a metal door which give access to a balcony out, where we can watch Block A directly (lol) and there isn't much of a scenery.
Its a panorama shot, sorry i edited the photo. That's Block A btw, and the sky was thick because it was going to rain.

A few days later, my roommate was finally done with her finals. So, I pulled her along with me to go catch the sunset. But this time, I needed her to get help from a guy friend who is staying at Block A. Reason? I'm going there to find the access to the rooftop. Crazy, I know.

That's me.

So, we went to the highest floor with him, and then he asked me, "Had you ever tried going to the elevator motor room?" And then I thought, maybe he is right. Maybe, the door to the rooftop IS there.

And then, we tried. THE DOOR ISN'T LOCKED. LIKE SERIOUSLY. I wasn't expecting that because the door was locked in Block B, so shouldn't it be locked in Block A too? But this reasoning doesn't apply here apparently haha

So yeah, I found the way to the rooftop. You need to climb two stairs and heck, if you're afraid of heights, you could just give up going to the rooftop. It would be a pain for you... and me.

I realized almost all my post are emo - related.

So sorry, people. I'll try to update happy things next time :)

I'll promise to be happy too, in the meanwhile :D

The week before Chinese New Year seemed to be one of the most hectic week in college. From classes to classes, twisted emotions and communication. I get tired of talking a lot in college, maybe because I ask a lot of stupid questions in class, asking my classmates about useless stuffs and probably responding too much to the people around me. At least on Friday I get to meet up with NeeKee again, which cheered up my day.

Anyway, that isn't the point. What I wanted to talk about is Valentine's Day this year. Most students had went back to their hometown for the Chinese New Year break, but not me and a few others. With a few taps on my phone and a call, two friends and I decided to meet up for a breakfast date. We went to have noodles and then a spontaneous decision to Pyramid to catch a movie. But of course, when we went there, tonnes of couples were lining up for movie. The showtime of the movies were mainly marked in red, indicating a fully booked session. Hence, we changed our plan and went for an ice - cream before going back to our rooms. As we licked the last traces of ice - creams on the plastic spoon, we watched couples passing by us, hands in hands or arms over shoulders and waist. Yeah, it was a pathetic trip to the Pyramid.

Sorry I'm bad with titles. And introductions.

I'm typing this because I'm actually feeling really fed up with socializing.

I realized that I am now very active on Instagram. I had always been taking photos ever since I had an iPhone. Now, with my Samsung, I had taken even more photos. Usually, I would go for macro shots or just a plain scene in front of me. Now, I go for portraits.

Talking about portraits, I can't seem to draw anymore. Its probably my mentality that's in problem but every time I hold a pencil and ready myself in front of the white paper, I can't draw.

I'm serious. The paper seemed like a stranger to me. The pencil I'm holding doesn't flow as smooth as it used to be. Concentrating on human's facial details was an incredible failure. Maybe the face I'm trying to draw is too hard. So, I changed to another photo. It a simple face. I begin to draw.

Then, I realized. I had problem with starting the first stroke of carbon on the paper.

I lost it.

I lost the artistic value in me.

What's going on?

Till now, I'm still confused. I'm pretty sure its something wrong with my mentality and I spent a lot of time thinking about it. I tried to draw again and again but it ended up a total failure, I couldn't even shade anymore. Its like, I couldn't draw calmly.

That's not it that's bothering me.

We had an information talk about two weeks ago. Its regarding choosing a degree in Monash Uni in the future, which we had to submit a form of the degree we want to pursue in the future. Naturally, I'm going for Business.

But I'm confused with what I actually want to do. I'm stuck between what I want and what's actually worth it. Should I abandon my interest and go for a major that would actually brings me money? Or should I just go for this major and fight for my future like I had always been doing?

I need counselling. I need someone to talk to who wouldn't judge me when I lay out my thoughts. I'm tired of listening to people telling me things like,
'You seriously want to go for Marketing? Its pretty useless.'
or
'Why not take Accounting? Sure got job one in the future.'

My heart swayed.

Should I listen to them?

I don't want to regret in the future, you know.

I ended up sleepless for many nights because of this. I tried to talk to my parents about this, but it seemed like they weren't very serious. They just laughed and waved it away.

'You decide yourself lah.'

True. I have to decide it myself.

But right now, I'm just a confused, college student.

Its been a month after finals ended. My goal for this 2 months holiday was to work as an internship in Maybank but nope, not happening because Mama K said they will call me if there are any spots.
And there wasn't any job vacancy at the moment, except for one. But its already December and my plans for this month is absolutely a blur.

Like,
Should I go to work? But I have some family plans and friend outings in Dec because its the month when everyone is having their sem break.

But what if I stayed at home instead? Until the start of a new semester?
Honestly, it doesn't sound like a bad idea. Since I wanted to improve my English and learn more general knowledge. Though I admit I spent a lot of time watching anime during meal times sometimes and manga whenever I take a break.

But I do read novels and articles too. However, I felt like that's all I can do for this holiday.

I wanted to draw, but I'm only drawing when both my parents are not around. Personally I should be free to do anything I want during the holidays since its harmless? Plus, I'm growing up so I should decide on how I wanted to spend my time?

So I tried drawing again today.
"Why are you drawing, Pei Er?"  Mom questioned. Dad turned around to look at his daughter, the sketch book and pencils all ready on the white table.
I ignored and started to draw.
"Can you do something more productive instead of that?" Dad asked sternly. I didn't dare to look at him - as usual. And I went indecisive on whether or not I should obey.

Dad pressed on. "Do you have any idea on how HengJee is living his life at uni right now the moment we speak? He had been joining dance performace for an upcoming event. He plays badminton with his friends during his free time. And he has been studying very hard to get a CGPA 4 flat which he had proven to accomplished for his first semester.
He is going to be a doctor, Pei Er.
A doctor, you know? The first one in the See family. Do you know how much hope we have on him? In fact, we are so proud of him that finally, we can see one of our children becoming a someone...."

It doesn't ends there, of course. There were still a lot more which I couldn't make myself to listen anymore. I pretended to be listening, but I'm just concentrating in keeping a straight face, and not to show any signs of breaking down. I managed to do so, but the sadness doesn't end there as well.

Something came up and I couldn't go to Penang to meet up with HanCen and the others. Parents wont be home for 4 days 3 nights, and I didn't want to stay at home during that period.
So, I asked if its possible to plan the trip earlier.

Mom was asking me about the details of my plan when suddenly, Dad interrupted.
"Is it a must for you to go Penang, just to meet up with your FRIENDS? Its not like you would do the same for us .*snorts* What's wrong with staying at home?"

I felt like telling him that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with staying at home during my parents' absence. But, there isn't anything wrong with visiting a friend.
Instead I kept quiet like how I did over the years.
Just breath. That's what I tell myself everytime when something like this happen.

Why doesn't any of this ever happen to my brother? Just me?
Maybe because he doesn't hangout with his friends. Maybe during his holidays, he would go out and find a job, not like me, just staying at home and read stuffs.

He read books too, in fact, more than me. And those with deep understandings and knowledge which I wouldn't be able to comprehend in any age.

I guess, that's why my parents favor him so much. He is the perfect son. A perfect child to them. Of course, never in my eyes will he be perfect. No one is. And hell, even in terms of perfection, he is far from it.

But, I don't see him as a parent's view. I see him as a brother, as a human in overall.

As a son, he doesn't fight back. He never oppose any opinions or any such to my parents. He listens and obeys. He knows when and what to say to them, at the right time and place and content. He is just so good at it.

Unlike me.

Once, I think it was around last week. Dad said he wanted to throw Dai Dai away because she is getting old and tends to snore a lot when she sleeps.
I think its cute. For a dog to snore in its sleep. Just like humans too.

Dad was serious about it. He mentioned many times before this, but this time he really looked at Dai Dai and asked me.

I hated myself for saying this, but I did anyway because I can't stand that narrow minded thinking of his.
"Dai Dai is old and she snores in her sleep. To throw her away just because she is old is like saying I throw you away when you are old."

I can see he was obviously hurt by what I said. As much as I hated it, I don't regret it. Not at all. I'm sick and tired of listening to any statements about having a family member thrown or given away or lost or die. No. I don't want to lose Dai Dai just like that.

Haha... I feel so stupid. Seriously.

Relating a father to a house pet, its totally two different thing since a father is the one with authority and a house pet is just a - pet. But to me, a family is a family.
Just like how he gave Orka away with the reason he have too much ticks and 'we can't have 3 dogs at home' excuse.

He confronted me about it a few days later, at IOI Mall in Putrajaya, when we were waiting for Mom's flight to land. He was really hurt and mad about it, but sorry, I have no regrets.

I guess he doesn't treat Dai Dai the way I treated her - as a family.

Sigh. Its gonna be hard to finish 2014 but I'll do my best :)