Tiffany

I think I'll never leave blogging since its the only platform I can rant and ramble.

I had changed my choice of blog to Wordpress, reason why is written there:

https://sunsetnhappiness.wordpress.com

Check it out? :)

I recently have this thought. 

Hello everyone, it's been a long time since I updated. I do have a few things in mind to update actually but I forgot. Those in mind includes my trip to Sekeping Serendah, Penang Trip with my Uni friends, and sending friends away at the airport.

But let me update this first because priorities, you know:

So it's the once a year school carnival again and mom has found a few sponsors to sell free products in exchange of coupon sales. This year she got Manner Monster & Mamee Hot Cup, Perfecto Popcorn, a few boxes of vegetable juice (sounds uek but taste okay). Possibly more in the near future. So anyway, my family isn't a big fan of popcorn so having one box of popcorn at home is gonna be a waste.

Hence, I decided to sell.

After some discussion with the bae on prices and packaging, with some help from my mom, the decision was selling RM4 per packet, cheaper than retail price of course. RM20 for 6 packets and include postage too.

Of course 6 packets for RM20 is not profitable to me, but my goal here is to clear that one box of popcorn. And so, I posted my adverts on Twitter, Snapchat, Carousell, and Facebook.

On Carousell, I sell random things from hair wax, to keychains, to novels. So there was the Shopaholic series that is pre loved but I decided to sell it at a cheap price of RM20 including postage.

This morning, a girl inbox me and told me she was interested. So we negotiated on a deal and boom!

RM15.

And we will be meeting up at a nearby KFC so it's a COD thing.

After we agreed with the timing and venue, suddenly the buyer asked,

"Do you know any cheap Chinese rice place that I can eat?"

Hahaha. So random, right?

False.

Bae said I gotta hike up my game.

And so, I sent a message:

"Speaking about food, are you interested in buying Perfecto Popcorn? I'm selling 3 packets for RM10 :) Two flavors: Chocolate and Vanilla."

With this message, I had officially lost all my face.
What is face anymore.

So random but yeah, I sent that shit.

GUESS WHAT.

SHE AGREED!!!

Like whaaaaat.

And so I happily packed everything, my popcorn and books, for her and drove out. My day was amazing! I just gotten the best business deal I had ever made first time in my life!!!

The buyer was late for 5 minutes or so. She was tall and has a cheerful smile greeting me. With great charisma, the first thing she said was,

"I'm sorry but I decided not to buy the popcorn anymore. My sister likes caramel flavor, not chocolate or vanilla."

Crash. Crack. Pierce. Slice.

What is face and image anymore...?

But I can't force her to take right...

So I smiled sheepishly and said it's okay and all. Took the RM15 and skittled away to my car.

And so today, I had the greatest business deal of all time and at the same time, lose all my face for deal, and not just that, the deal didn't worked out as great as it supposed to.

But still I'm happy cos you know, I made some money :) heh

It's not a lot but it's something 😆

I hated the fact I'm a mini version of my father.
But let's all be real, it's a fact that even I myself can't deny.

I hate myself.

Just because I quoted my dad in many things doesn't mean I only listen to my dad.

He is undeniably a very talkative person, and of course, just like everyone else, he has his own opinion that comes with a mountain of ego. He said plenty of things.

Do I agree with all of them?

No.

But is he right in many things as well?

Yes.

Is he wrong in many other things too?

Yes.

But when I interact with the world, why would I want to quote the wrong things? So what if it's an opinion from my father that is, false in the eyes of our generation?
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It hasn't been the best of the days recently, and I hate the fact that the semester is finishing in another 4 weeks, and then finals. The days just get closer to semester break, and to everyone, its a bless. To me, its not.

I hate holidays.

But do I have a choice?

Can I just sit down in a corner and cry? I doubt so.

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Plenty of times I do things that may be, a little harsh and aggressive, be it a group work or its for the people I cared for. I blamed myself that my communication is not good and raising my voice is just rude or meant I'm angry, when simply, I'm not. I just want my message to be heard, listened, and understood.

Plenty of times my message wasn't even heard.

Let alone be understood.

That many times I only meant good.

I may not be smart and occasionally show my stupidity of the highest level, but one thing I'm truly sure of is I don't meant harm and I only want the best for you and the task at hand.

I may be a nerd and overly responsible for my work. I am indeed overly anxious over everything of anything and I can still guarantee that it's because I want the best for the people around me.

Sometimes when you don't see what I see, I'll tell you. But you have to be willing to listen and see it together with me. Before you jump into assumptions, conclusions and judgments.

Our opinions will always differ.

Simply because we are brought up differently and I see the importance in things that to you, it doesn't matter, and vice versa.

I rarely feel the need to share my anxiety, worries or opinions on university works or friends anymore. Why should I when people don't get it? When people don't see it the way I do? And when I do, people show their sour face.

I know reality is hard.

Even though I had always wanted to just murder myself and be gone forever and never be remembered. But in reality, I'm already attached to people that I cared and to be very honest, it's fine without them caring back. The heartbreaks will be numbed and forgotten, until one day, I wake up and realize how stupid I was to care for people who doesn't care for me. If you think you're still childish and immature and all you want is to remain that way with the care of others on you, ignorance is bliss. This is my immature thought speaking.

If I don't love myself, you can see it through the way I treat people. The reflection of the love on myself can be seen on others. Just trying to exist. Just trying to be there. 

But we all know, it's not there.

To love yourself is easier said than done.

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I'm starting to think that my scholarship is not a blessing.

If I'm not bind to a contract, my parents wouldn't be my guardian.

I wouldn't have to try to blend in a community that doesn't appreciate the presence of a person trying her best to achieve a steady CGPA of 3.5, which at the same time, doing her best to learn more about the world and how it turns.

The only attachment I have is my family.

I'll still be a closeted girl, hiding my real sexuality and those ugly experiences with myself that only I will be ashamed of.


But you know what I call this?

I can't believe this is happening. But yes, Sandara Park of 2NE1 did came to Malaysia~! Wooots!!